Sound Advice by Ruth D. Bernstein
Ruth Bernstein, Consumer Advocate
Like many people with hearing loss, I read a lot because that is my preferred mode of learning. I recently read a story on the Chabad website, written by Rabbi Sholom Goodman.
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The Rabbi writes movingly about his communication experiences as someone who stutters. He focuses on the need for empathy, resilience and advocacy. While hearing loss and stuttering present very different challenges, I was struck by some of the similarities between his communication struggles and my own, as well as the feelings they elicit. Empathy and sympathy for ourselves and for everyone with any kind of disability are welcome traits to develop.
Everyone who has a hearing loss would appreciate it if speakers maintain eye contact, listen carefully, don’t interrupt and wait until we are finished speaking. One of my favorite lines is “Don’t speak until you can see the whites of my eyes.” And the words I don’t want to hear are “never mind.”
Hearing loss can be emotionally overwhelming. We may doubt our ability to do things or feel we want to retreat to a quiet space and ignore our communication problems. It can be scary to go into a situation where you know in advance you are going to have trouble understanding important information. Being resilient by learning coping techniques and stating our needs can help overcome fear and make our lives much easier.
People appreciate my ability to share my hearing loss experiences in a positive way. As your ability to state your needs improves, and you have them recognized and acted on, you will find you want to share what works for you with others wrestling with the same problems, as I do in variety of ways, including my membership in HLAA-NYC and writing this blog.
I recently rediscovered this Camus quote, which I like a lot:
In the midst of winter, there was, within me, an invincible summer. And that makes me happy. For it says that no matter how hard the world pushes against me, within me, there’s something stronger — something better, pushing right back.
It takes a LOT of courage to acknowledge our hearing problems and push back, especially if we feel stigmatized, ashamed or ignored. It can help if you find a mentor, someone who will listen to you, understand your problems, advise you how to proceed and encourage you to move forward. CHC and HLAA-NYC can help you find support.
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I look forward to hearing about your experiences.
Warmest wishes,
Ruth D. Bernstein
Consumer Advocate
6 responses to “Reflections on coping with hearing loss”
Wonderful discussion, Ruth. It takes a special person to cite a Lubavitcher rabbi and Camus in the same blog!
Thanks, Jon! I was really moved by the Rabbi’s story and wanted to share his insights, which are pertinent to everyone struggling with a disability.
Ruth, you’ve managed to condense a wealth of information and “food for thought” in a few paragraphs…We who have been there and done that still need those extra pushes at time. Thank you.
Ruth, wonderfully put! The parallels you draw are so interesting and are very real. As someone who works with people with hearing loss, your advice to advocate and use coping mechanisms to stay connected is invaluable.
Ellen Lafargue, Co-Director, Shelley and Steven Einhorn Audiology and Communication Centers, Center for Hearing and Communication
Thanks Ellen! I found the Rabbi’s parallel experiences an eye opener. It’s important to speak up. Most people are willing to help if they know what to do. -Ruth
Nice piece Ruth! Love the 2 quotes you mention (“…whites of eyes” and “Never mind” There outta be a law against that one ! :-)