Paul Aguirre, Director of CHC's Baker Family Emotional Health and Wellness Center
With Valentine's Day approaching, CHC's Emotional Health and Wellness Director, Paul Aguirre, offers his thoughts on navigating the calendar's many holiday seasons.
When my father’s hearing began to deteriorate in his golden years, I remember my mother forever chiding him for not wearing his hearing aids, which he, like many people, was reluctant to do. He and I would be standing in the kitchen talking, and she would walk through, carrying a basket of laundry, wearing an impatient, exasperated expression. “You don’t hear a word I’m saying,” she’d grouse. Once she was safely out of earshot, he’d look at me, tilt his head in her direction, and say, “After forty years, I’ve heard enough.”
Now that’s love.
When I talk shop with people outside my field, they assume, like many, that December’s holiday season is the tough one for my patients. In fact, every holiday can be challenging because they all ask us to look inward. Take New Year’s Eve—it’s one of the few dates on the calendar where we can pinpoint exactly where we were the year before, and that begs certain questions: Have I accomplished what I set out to do this year? Am I moving forward in my life? Should I be more realistic in my goal setting as I get older?
Even its biggest fans will admit that Valentine’s Day is one of the most pressured holidays of the year. It’s meant to turn a spotlight on the couples walking among us. Dinner reservations are hard to come by, and those of us in relationships are goaded by the likes of Hallmark to conceive grand gestures, be they jewelry, flowers or marriage proposals. But I think it’s the unattached who feel Valentine’s Day the deepest, because, again, we’re able to recall where we were last February 14. “I’m still single. Should I keep searching for my other, or should I embrace life on my own?” (The answer, by the way, is to do both!)
I like working with people as they move through the holidays, whatever the time of year, because it’s important to normalize all of these conflicting feelings they bring out in us. There’s room at the table for everyone, wherever we happen to be on our journey. A patient of mine once decided to defy convention by booking a table for two, showing up solo and being her own Valentine, which I heartily endorsed, and which she pulled off with aplomb.
Circling back to my dad, who was revealed to be a witty and lovable character several paragraphs ago… he passed away in 2010. And boy, do I wish there was a fast-forward button each June when those Father’s Day sales start flooding my inbox. Growing up, it never occurred to me that so innocuous a holiday would someday be the most painful one. But that’s okay. It’s a reminder that life is all about devotion and loss, and the more we have invested in someone, the more vivid and heartfelt the memory.
That’s love.
Whether you’re booked at Gramercy Tavern this Valentine’s Day or binging Netflix with a bowl of popcorn till it passes, try to find the love—in ourselves and in others, in the present, the past and the future.
About the Author
Paul David Aguirre, LCSW-R, is the Director of the Baker Family Emotional Health and Wellness Center and has been with CHC since 2015. He attained proficiency in American Sign Language through his early career work at National Technical Institute for the Deaf in Rochester, NY, and has since worked extensively with children, adolescents and adults who are deaf, hearing and hard-of-hearing in all treatment modalities. Mr. Aguirre’s clinical approach uses adaptive attachment modeling and a strengths-based perspective to create a warm, supportive, life-affirming holding environment that empowers clients to achieve their personal and professional goals. Mr. Aguirre earned his Master’s Degree in Social Work at Adelphi University, New York, in 2007.