Carolyn Stern, Dir. of Outreach & Strategic Initiatives
The holiday season—filled with food, family and celebration—is one of my favorite times of the year. However, the large gathering at the holiday table, with overlapping conversations, can be overwhelming when you have hearing loss.
Despite usually hearing well with my cochlear implants, this noisy setting makes it challenging. I often struggle to follow the chatter, catching only bits and pieces of words and watching mouths move without fully understanding. While I know my family and friends love me and don’t mean to exclude me, it’s hard for them to grasp how disconnected and frustrated I can feel. To distract myself or fill the void, I probably wind up eating more than I should!
This year, I decided it doesn’t have to be that way. With the holidays approaching, I turned to my colleagues at CHC—experts who help people navigate challenges like this every day—for advice on how to prepare, manage holiday table conversations, and cope better. I’m hopeful their tips will help me feel more connected, less frustrated, and maybe even eat a little less this time! Here’s some of the guidance they gave me.
Advance Preparation
Set yourself up for success by doing basic hearing device maintenance.
Dr. Michele DiStefano, CHC’s Director of Audiology, recommends starting with ensuring your hearing devices are in good form. “Make sure you put in fresh batteries before the holiday and always carry spares. If your hearing aids or cochlear implants are rechargeable, make sure they are fully charged.” She also suggests cleaning wax guards or filters and changing earmolds or domes to ensure optimal performance.
Take steps to manage the setting and be thoughtful about seat selection.
Find ways to minimize background noise, for example, by lowering music or turning off appliances, and be strategic about where you sit. Dr. DiStefano advises, “Make sure the faces of the people you are speaking with are well lit and visible. Avoid sitting at the far ends of the table where it’s harder to hear. Sit closer to the people you want to converse with. The closer you are, the easier it is to hear.”
Try switching seats during the meal to connect with others.
While my family usually has assigned seating, this year I'm thinking maybe we could try rotating seats during the meal. That way, I’d have the chance to talk with others, especially those out of earshot at the far end of the table. I imagine everyone would enjoy the opportunity to connect more, too! Would you? Or have you ever tried this?
Communicating at the Holiday Table
When you're at the holiday table, make optimal use of your hearing device.
As a first step, utilize the 'noise program' setting on your hearing device. Dr. DiStefano explains, “Hearing aids can filter out background noise and enhance the quality of spoken language, making it easier to hear in noisy spaces.” I couldn’t agree more with this advice because it increases my tolerance of the loud sounds and improves my ability to make out what’s being said. The challenge for me is remembering to activate it in the moment!
Assistive listening technology can also help you function better in noise.
Dr. DiStefano suggests, “If background noise is overwhelming, you may benefit from assistive devices like a remote microphone. Some cell phones also allow their microphones to be a remote mic (e.g., Apple's Live Listen)." If you’re unsure whether your hearing aids have this feature, talk with your audiologist to explore what’s available.
Camille Mihalik, CHC’s Director of Speech and Language Services, offers an alternative to saying 'what?' over and over.
“When you miss part of a conversation, instead of saying ‘what?’, tell your conversation partner what you heard and ask, ‘Did I get that right?’ or say, ‘I heard you say something about your car, but I didn’t catch the rest.’” This makes conversations smoother, prevents others from having to repeat everything, and reduces frustration on both sides.
Dr. DiStefano adds, “When you ask the person a specific question regarding the information you missed, people will then use different words to explain, which may be easier for you to hear.” This year, rather than just giving up, I’m committed to putting these tips into practice. I really think they can help.
Managing Uncomfortable Feelings and Listening Fatigue
It can be hard to manage the uncomfortable feelings that occur when struggling to keep up with the conversations.
CHC’s Director of Emotional Health and Wellness, Jeff Wax, offers this guidance which I find comforting:
Feeling left out can be hurtful, especially at big gatherings like Thanksgiving. It might feel like you’re being told you don’t matter, which can affect your self-esteem. To manage these feelings, take a deep breath and remind yourself, 'I am worthy' and 'I am capable'. Be kind to yourself, like comforting a hurt child, and accept the situation as it is. You don’t have to fix or control it.
Give yourself permission to take a break—step away, have a smaller conversation, or connect with a trusted family member. Remember, uncomfortable feelings are temporary. Let them come and go, and focus on moving forward.
Gathering and reviewing these tips is making me feel positive about this year’s holiday gathering. I feel like the CHC team will be right there with me, rooting for me and empathizing with me if by chance I feel left out, frustrated or struggle to keep up. And maybe, just maybe, I’ll eat a little less this year as I focus on breathing and gratitude instead!
Good luck, everyone, making the most of your holiday gatherings.
About the Authors
Carolyn Stern, MBA, is the Director of Outreach and Strategic Initiatives at CHC. As a bilateral cochlear implant user, she helps others hear and connect better with tips, technical information and support and is passionate about the role of healthy hearing in helping people lead productive and connected lives. Read full bio or contact Carolyn at cgsternchchearing.org.
Michele DiStefano, AuD, CCC-A, is Director of CHC's Shelley and Steven Einhorn Audiology Center and Berelson Hearing Technology Center. Dr. DiStefano joined CHC in 2017 with expertise in pediatric audiology honed at Beth Israel Medical Center, Clarke Schools, and New York Eye and Ear. Read full bio or contact Dr. DiStefano at mdistefano@chchearing.org.
Camille Mihalik, Director of CHC's Shelley and Steven Einhorn Communication Center, is a speech-language pathologist working individually and in groups with children who are deaf and hard of hearing. She is passionate in her approach to aural habilitation and working collaboratively with parents. Read full bio or contact Camille at cmihalik@chchearing.org.
Jeffrey Wax, LCSW-R is the Director of the Baker Family Emotional Health and Wellness Center. Mr. Wax has provided counseling services to people who are deaf or hard of hearing for over 20 years and has worked with clients of all ages, gender, sexual orientation and hearing ability. Read full bio or contact Jeff at jwax@chchearing.org.